I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
