How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
