Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize