Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
