I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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