Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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