Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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