Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
