I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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