my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
