so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
