That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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