Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
