Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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