My friends, they love my intelligence
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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