dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
