i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
