My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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