Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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