I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
