I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
