She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
