i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
