so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
