when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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