dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
