When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
