He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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