Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
