i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
