yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
