it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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