now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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