the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
