It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
one might say we're banned from that church
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
