Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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