We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
