If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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