I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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