This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
