I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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