Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
