so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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