Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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