two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
