turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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