Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
