you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The Olympian is in my bed
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