its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize