Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
