I want to walk on stilts...naked
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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