Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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