you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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